Collaborative Divorce Law of the Palm Beaches

Members, International Association for Collaborative Professionals

  www.collaborativepractice.com

When Not to Collaborate

Sometimes you just have to shake your head. Or chuckle perhaps. Here are the 10 wackiest divorce stories. And yes, they are true.

If something like this is happening, you shouldn't consider collaborative divorce.  ;-)

Dependency Exemption for the Children, Who gets it?

The Dependency tax exemption is determined based upon Federal law as defined by the IRS, not your Settlement Agreement.

 

IRS says, that the parent who has the children the most gets the dependency exemption.

 

Even if the Final Judgment says that the Non Custodial parent gets the exemption that is not the final answer in this matter as far as the IRS is concerned.

 

The IRS is not bound by the rulings of State courts.

 

In order for the Non Custodial parent to legally claim the dependency exemption, they must have a form 8232 signed by the custodial parent giving up the exemption.  This form must be attached to the Non Custodial parents tax return for each and every year that the dependency exemption is claimed.

 

Because the IRS is not bound by State Court rulings, the Final judgments when the Non Custodial parent is given the children as dependency exemptions must require the custodial parent to provide a signed 8232 each year in a timely manner for tax filings.

 

Madonna & Ritchie Settle Custody Dispute

It's been reported that the "custody battle" has ended between Madonna and former husband Guy Ritchie. Although the couple disputed where the children should live, at least they didn't air everything in the press. That deserves kudos.

The couple entered a last minute settlement agreement.

Collaborative Divorce Process - How To Have Satisfied Clients

The collaborative divorce process is often said to improve the family's legal outcomes. While the focus is not on "winning" in collaborative process, there are still raw emotions to deal with during the process. All the team members will have to assist the divorcing spouses deal with emotions.

Here are some suggestions for collaborative professionals to have satisfied clients:

• For clients, divorce is emotional process, not a legal one. The team needs to understand the clients’ psychological state and to know how to use it to promote the best legal outcome. The goal is not to help the client manage his or her personal feelings.

• Recognize clients’ distortions. Clients project feelings and traits onto the team members. That projection serves the client's psychological needs (i.e. to be taken care of) but are not based on reality. Confront the distortions and bring the client back to the real relationship.Maintain a neutral and nonjudgmental stance when confronting clients

• Allow a controlled amount of emotional ventilation while maintaining structure. Know when to bring the client’s attention back to the issues. Studies have shown that up to 40% of a divorce lawyer's time is spent tending to clients' emotions. The mental health professional should assist the lawyers in maintaining the focus of meetings while allowing some venting.

• If the structure is not enough to contain the clients’ feelings and impulses, it may be necessary to refer the client for counseling outside the team. It will be difficult to move the process forward when one spouse is stuck in acute emotional distress.

• Maintain enough psychological distance to be able to listen closely to the client. Empathy is important but over-identification with the client will interfere with neutrality. Boundaries between client and team must be clear.

• Accept feelings towards clients as inevitable. The Collaborative professional shouldn’t react behaviorally. Instead, use the emotions as data to understand the client and to restore focus to the process. 

All the team members will deal with client emotions. By recognizing those emotions and working with them in a constructive way, the collaborative team can assist the clients to move forward. In the end, such actions will lead to satisfied collaborative divorce process clients.

Florida Collaborative Divorce Quote

Quote of the Month

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or
some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for.
We are the change that we seek. --President Barack Obama

Collaborative Divorce: Stepping Forward

The Collaborative law process recognizes emotional issues exist in divorce cases that cannot be addressed by the legal system. For the adversarial area of Florida family law, this is a "paradigm shift." Psychologist Abraham Maslow said that in any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety. The collaborative divorce process lets you step forward into growth.

Collaborative divorce law is different from a traditional Florida divorce court battle. Litigation, by its nature, is adversarial and combative. Litigation results in the parties and the attorneys focusing on attacking one another and wearing each other down, using a "take no prisoners" approach. The resulting fall out is often negative and far-reaching, particularly when children or privacy issues are involved.

The Florida collaborative divorce law process is geared from day one to make it possible for creative, respectful collective problem-solving to happen. It is quicker, more creative, more

Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, one of our Collaborators here, has launched a new group coaching program for divorced and divorcing parents. The groups "meets" on a teleconference call so you can attend no matter where you live. The second call is tomorrow. Roz will send you a recording of the first call so you won't miss anything.

The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

 Phase 1: Creating a Positive and Successful Child-Centered Divorce

Especially for parents facing, moving through or having recently been divorced.The divorce process can be complex and frustrating enough on its own. When you add innocent children to the mix, you must be extremely careful to safeguard everyone’s physical, emotional and psychological needs.

Together we will resolve the day-to-day challenges of divorce. You’ll discover the pitfalls to avoid, the path to peaceful resolution, resources available to you, proven success strategies, stress-reduction tips and more, including:

• How to diffuse conflict with your former spouse while maximizing positive communication
• How best to handle questions, depression, tension, arguments and other behaviors from your children
• What to expect from children of different age groups – from toddlers through teens
• How to stay centered and take care of your own emotions and needs during this time of transition
• How best to take advantage of the expertise of attorneys, mediators, therapists and other professionals – while not being “taken” yourself
• How to handle weekly routines, schedules, activities and other responsibilities without loosing your cool
• Co-parenting, single-parenting, custody issues and other complex challenges that come with divorce

This program will provide you with solid guidance, solutions and the support you need to help you make the best decisions to prepare yourself and your children for the enormous transition ahead.

SPECIAL BONUS!

I will also be scheduling an additional Bonus Call with a special Guest Expert who is also

Post-Divorce Collaboration in Real Life

With celebrity divorces in the headlines, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that many couples are getting better at splitting up, says Sophia  Bennett. Divorcing parents sometimes think that co-parenting after divorce has to be difficult. Collaborative divorce can dispel that myth.

The fact is children need permission to love all the people in their lives, new and old. See how it is working for Sophia here.

Divorce - Pearls of Wisdom

Divorce is certainly a challenging and revealing process. If we’re to truly learn from the past and not repeat the same mistakes in future, it’s crucial to take the time to reflect on those pearls of wisdom your divorce has to offer. It’s in a crisis that you can really learn what makes you tick.

By reflecting upon, and articulating, the lessons learned, one gains true wisdom and the ability to… master one’s life. As the year winds down to a close, it’s a perfect time to notice and share those pearls. If you were at the end of your life, looking back on your experience, what advice or lessons would you want to pass on to others who were just about to start out?

I recently took the opportunity to do just that and want to offer you some of the pearls of wisdom I have gained.

1. Love and accept yourself completely. Life is WAY more fun that way.
2. Peace must start within yourself before you can see it or create is it in your family, community or the world.
3. The greatest wisdom is in the heart, not the head.
4. Be damn grateful to be alive.
5. It’s natural that people come in to and out of your life. But you are never alone.
6. Trust that the Universe is a friendly place and that you are loved.
7. Your ego’s only job is to keep you safe. But don’t believe everything it tells you.
8. Speak your truth always.
9. It doesn’t matter if other people like you or agree with you. What matters is that YOU like you and that you act with integrity.
10. Sink into and notice the little moments and details of your life. That’s where the wonder and joy of living will be found.
11. See everyone and everything as incredible gifts for you to unwrap.
12. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. That’s an ego game designed to keep you stuck. What matters are the choices you make.
13. Be humble. Don’t take anyone for granted. That includes you as well.
14. Everything is energy. Everything has a vibration. Everything you do, say or think creates a ripple effect. Managing your vibration is the most profound and sacred duty you have.
15. Forgive yourself when you make a mistake or react out of fear. Love yourself forward.
16. Use your feelings, honor them and express them. Feelings are the language of the soul.
17. Expect to feel fear when you’re doing something new. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Welcome it as a sign you’re growing and expanding.
18. Celebrate your victories. Celebrate your mistakes. Celebrate everything that contributes to your awakening and remembrance of how incredible you truly are.
19. Remember you created your life’s curriculum before you got here. There are no mistakes in life. Life is like an adventure. Don’t forget to have fun along the way.
20. Our greatest challenges are the greatest teachers because they require you to draw upon wisdom, strength and resources you might never otherwise know that you had.

So, what are some of your own pearls?

©2008 Carolyn B. Ellis

“Author and divorce coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the Founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com which helps separated and divorced individuals improve relationships, increase self-confidence and save time and heartache. She is the award-winning author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive after Divorce. To read a FREE chapter of her Parenting after Divorce 101 ebook that contains simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit http://www.parentingafterdivorce101.com/.

More Collaborative Divorce TV

The collaborative divorce process will be featured in a new documentary set to run on Canadian television.Along with the couple using the collaborative divorce process, a couple using mediation and another doing it themselves will be featured.

It should be interesting the see the side-by-side comparisions as the couple each move through the divorce process.