Collaborative Divorce Law of the Palm Beaches

Members, International Association for Collaborative Professionals

  www.collaborativepractice.com

Christy Brinkley - Not a Cover Girl for Collaboration

As if their divorce war wasn't bad enough last year, Christy Brinkley and her ex, Peter Sullivan, are back in court today on contempt motions. They had a round last week and return to the courtroom again today. Among the charges - Brinkley is interfering with the children's relationship with their dad.

Even though their case "settled" it wasn't until after a few days of media-fueled battles full of accusations of bad behavior. There's a better way to do this - collaborative divorce.

Why It's Difficult to Describe the Collaborative Divorce Process

Collaborative divorce tends to be described to people in terms of the differences with a litigated divorce. Divorce professionals sometimes forget that, for most clients, this is their first divorce. That's exactly what the problem is when trying to describe what's different about a collaborative divorce.

If it's your first divorce and you're reasonably sane, you haven't seen the dirty tricks, power plays and all-out psychological warfare that can accompany highly-conflictual divorce litigation battles. Emptying accounts, freezing credit, locking spouses out of the family business - just a few of the methods of war. The end result is a trail of financial, emotional and personal losses that can be staggering.

Unless you have witnessed the true cost of a battle like this up close and personal, I'm not sure you can appreciate the difference between divorce litigation collaborative divorce process. In collaborative divorces, the parties

• Pledge not to go to court until a full agreement has been reached
• Agree to complete, voluntary financial disclosure to one joint expert
• Have structured settlement meetings with everyone present

Each one of those is the opposite in a litigated divorce. You're in court because some files to start the divorce. A small (or, sometimes, large) fortune of time and money is spent on mandatory financial disclosure. And each of you hires a financial expert to opine about the financial records. The settlement negotiations go between the lawyers. When you go to mediation, each spouse is in a separate room with his or her attorney and the mediator goes back and forth.

Imagine how different it feels to agree to make a reasonable settlement, face-to-face, after cooperating to get all the financial information on the table and to develop the best parenting plan for your kids. The collaborative divorce process really is different.

Repositioning Your Practice on the Web - Confront Your Technophobia

How are you feeling about your practice lately? How about yourself?

Are you taking chances to grow... or playing it "safe"?

Are you hiding your solutions from your Dream Clients or embracing the Technology that can reposition your practice on the Worldwide Web?

I ask because the topic of my new blog, Technophobe Therapy seems to have struck a nerve.

The topic is CONFRONTING TECHNOPHOBIA so you can reposition your practice on the Web, and it seems to be a sensitive topic these days. You see, with so much emphasis on promoting your practice on the Internet, it's difficult to remain a Technophobe. You don't even know the questions to ask about marketing your practice on the web, let alone how to do it.

Whenever the economy starts to appear to tighten up or money seems to become scarce, our natural self-preservation instincts kick in. We become timid, scared, and leery of making any bold moves, or perhaps any moves at all. Just like our clients. ;-)

For solo professionals, this 'survival mode' will KILL your practice - and your soul.

Your dreams get pushed aside. Your bold ideas get filed away into the "someday when the time is right" or "when I have more money" folder. Your spirit shrinks as you count your pennies and clients, sitting back and waiting for things to get better.

Sure you may survive, but it this isn't why you went into solo practice...

So please, STOP this now! Rediscover your practice passion.

Rediscover the passion you had for your practice... before you felt this way. Get back to that feeling - that wonderful feeling - of having nothing but potential Dream Clients in front of you. Have the courage to step into your Highest Good and deliver your unique solutions to the world in a big way.

The response to the blog has been phenomenal. (Check it out here)

If you are you nervous about talking about TECHNOLOGY right now, this is the perfect thing for you -- believe me, you're not alone.

When Not to Collaborate

Sometimes you just have to shake your head. Or chuckle perhaps. Here are the 10 wackiest divorce stories. And yes, they are true.

If something like this is happening, you shouldn't consider collaborative divorce.  ;-)

Dependency Exemption for the Children, Who gets it?

The Dependency tax exemption is determined based upon Federal law as defined by the IRS, not your Settlement Agreement.

 

IRS says, that the parent who has the children the most gets the dependency exemption.

 

Even if the Final Judgment says that the Non Custodial parent gets the exemption that is not the final answer in this matter as far as the IRS is concerned.

 

The IRS is not bound by the rulings of State courts.

 

In order for the Non Custodial parent to legally claim the dependency exemption, they must have a form 8232 signed by the custodial parent giving up the exemption.  This form must be attached to the Non Custodial parents tax return for each and every year that the dependency exemption is claimed.

 

Because the IRS is not bound by State Court rulings, the Final judgments when the Non Custodial parent is given the children as dependency exemptions must require the custodial parent to provide a signed 8232 each year in a timely manner for tax filings.

 

Madonna & Ritchie Settle Custody Dispute

It's been reported that the "custody battle" has ended between Madonna and former husband Guy Ritchie. Although the couple disputed where the children should live, at least they didn't air everything in the press. That deserves kudos.

The couple entered a last minute settlement agreement.

Collaborative Divorce Process - How To Have Satisfied Clients

The collaborative divorce process is often said to improve the family's legal outcomes. While the focus is not on "winning" in collaborative process, there are still raw emotions to deal with during the process. All the team members will have to assist the divorcing spouses deal with emotions.

Here are some suggestions for collaborative professionals to have satisfied clients:

• For clients, divorce is emotional process, not a legal one. The team needs to understand the clients’ psychological state and to know how to use it to promote the best legal outcome. The goal is not to help the client manage his or her personal feelings.

• Recognize clients’ distortions. Clients project feelings and traits onto the team members. That projection serves the client's psychological needs (i.e. to be taken care of) but are not based on reality. Confront the distortions and bring the client back to the real relationship.Maintain a neutral and nonjudgmental stance when confronting clients

• Allow a controlled amount of emotional ventilation while maintaining structure. Know when to bring the client’s attention back to the issues. Studies have shown that up to 40% of a divorce lawyer's time is spent tending to clients' emotions. The mental health professional should assist the lawyers in maintaining the focus of meetings while allowing some venting.

• If the structure is not enough to contain the clients’ feelings and impulses, it may be necessary to refer the client for counseling outside the team. It will be difficult to move the process forward when one spouse is stuck in acute emotional distress.

• Maintain enough psychological distance to be able to listen closely to the client. Empathy is important but over-identification with the client will interfere with neutrality. Boundaries between client and team must be clear.

• Accept feelings towards clients as inevitable. The Collaborative professional shouldn’t react behaviorally. Instead, use the emotions as data to understand the client and to restore focus to the process. 

All the team members will deal with client emotions. By recognizing those emotions and working with them in a constructive way, the collaborative team can assist the clients to move forward. In the end, such actions will lead to satisfied collaborative divorce process clients.

Florida Collaborative Divorce Quote

Quote of the Month

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or
some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for.
We are the change that we seek. --President Barack Obama

Collaborative Divorce: Stepping Forward

The Collaborative law process recognizes emotional issues exist in divorce cases that cannot be addressed by the legal system. For the adversarial area of Florida family law, this is a "paradigm shift." Psychologist Abraham Maslow said that in any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety. The collaborative divorce process lets you step forward into growth.

Collaborative divorce law is different from a traditional Florida divorce court battle. Litigation, by its nature, is adversarial and combative. Litigation results in the parties and the attorneys focusing on attacking one another and wearing each other down, using a "take no prisoners" approach. The resulting fall out is often negative and far-reaching, particularly when children or privacy issues are involved.

The Florida collaborative divorce law process is geared from day one to make it possible for creative, respectful collective problem-solving to happen. It is quicker, more creative, more

Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, one of our Collaborators here, has launched a new group coaching program for divorced and divorcing parents. The groups "meets" on a teleconference call so you can attend no matter where you live. The second call is tomorrow. Roz will send you a recording of the first call so you won't miss anything.

The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

 Phase 1: Creating a Positive and Successful Child-Centered Divorce

Especially for parents facing, moving through or having recently been divorced.The divorce process can be complex and frustrating enough on its own. When you add innocent children to the mix, you must be extremely careful to safeguard everyone’s physical, emotional and psychological needs.

Together we will resolve the day-to-day challenges of divorce. You’ll discover the pitfalls to avoid, the path to peaceful resolution, resources available to you, proven success strategies, stress-reduction tips and more, including:

• How to diffuse conflict with your former spouse while maximizing positive communication
• How best to handle questions, depression, tension, arguments and other behaviors from your children
• What to expect from children of different age groups – from toddlers through teens
• How to stay centered and take care of your own emotions and needs during this time of transition
• How best to take advantage of the expertise of attorneys, mediators, therapists and other professionals – while not being “taken” yourself
• How to handle weekly routines, schedules, activities and other responsibilities without loosing your cool
• Co-parenting, single-parenting, custody issues and other complex challenges that come with divorce

This program will provide you with solid guidance, solutions and the support you need to help you make the best decisions to prepare yourself and your children for the enormous transition ahead.

SPECIAL BONUS!

I will also be scheduling an additional Bonus Call with a special Guest Expert who is also