Many divorces are pitched battles, if not war, involving the parties and their lawyers’ egos, power, and control. In the movie, “War of the Roses” Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner played a once happy (and very good looking) couple who were divorcing and destroying themselves and everything they held dear in the process.
The traditional process of ending marriages allows a husband and wife to act out their unresolved anger and hurt feelings at a marriage gone bad. “She (or he) done me wrong and now I am going to punish or get even” becomes the theme.
The results – a significant waste of money spent on legal and accounting fees, further hurt feelings, and oftentimes agreements or judgments which do not work for the parties. Most importantly, children are placed in the middle of this simmering feud are not well served.
Can there be such a thing as divorce with dignity? Is it possible to have a divorce where the parties do not resort to saying and doing horrible things about a person once loved? The answer to both questions is yes.
There is hope. There is a new and rewarding area of family law practice commonly known as
Collaborative Divorce Law. Begun in the 1990s in Minnesota, the Collaborative Divorce process allows the divorcing parties to re-structure their families and divorce soberly, professionally and with dignity. Children are protected and the primary focus of this process. There is much less if any outside scrutiny of the parties finances and personal lifestyles. There is also many times a significant cost savings to the parties compared with litigation. It is also a very effective process. Nationally 96% of Collaborative Divorce cases settle in this process without need of litigation.
Collaborative Divorce Law uses a neutral mental health professional as a part of the process to guide the parties as well. The mental health professional attends the negotiating sessions and is a member of the collaborative team assisting the team in diffusing emotional issues and keeping the team members on task during the sessions.
The process also uses a neutral financial professional to assist the parties and provide options to both for the division of the marital estate. The mental health and financial professionals are neutral and work for the collaborative process and not as advocates of either party.
Of course, the parties’ attorneys advocate for them but in a much less hostile and anxiety- ridden environment. The attorneys cannot litigate the case so there is much less tendency to “walk away” from the negotiating table. The result is the lawyers work fully toward a settlement. The threat of litigation is removed at the outset because the parties all agree to participate fully in the collaborative process and cannot use their attorneys or the other professionals if the case does not settle. There is a significant financial disincentive to litigate the case.
This process is sane, dignified and is changing the manner divorces occur. If you are in the process of ending a marriage or are already in a divorce, speak to your attorney about whether or not he or she is trained in Collaborative Divorce. There is a local society of professionals dedicated to Collaborative Divorce ;aw, as well as an international association for collaborative professionals.
If you have specific questions feel free to email us at Joe@JConsidineLaw.com or PamelaWynn@gmail.com
Collaborative divorce law is the solution-focused way to end your marriage.
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