Pulling a “Trisha” – Divorce Done Wrong!

Once again divorce is in the news. This time it has been Trisha Walsh Smith, an actress who was hardly a household name a month ago, now gaining a new type of celebrity. The question before us now is, can we condone and support her "poor me -- I'm getting screwed in my divorce" outburst – or did she do more damage to herself and her cause in the long run?

Because I'm recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce and author of a book about how to tell the kids, my first concern revolves around the children when it comes to divorce. Fortunately Trisha does not have young children because they would be dramatically affected by such an ego-centric outburst. Should parents experiencing divorce follow her example, they will be doing lifelong damage to their innocent children (who then have to "handle" the public attention to their parents' divorce!). 

Even without young children, her "tirade" affected the personal lives of many members of her and his family, forcing them into the limelight without their consent. This is a very selfish approach to bringing attention to her personal plight. Right or wrong in her gripe, she had no right to drag others into this embarrassing outburst. Showing photos and criticizing his family in public went way beyond venting about her circumstances. She would have been mortified if her husband had behaved in the same manner.

Ultimately Trisha did receive a lot of media attention, which was her goal. However I don't believe it worked in her favor. I certainly hope not. I believe this example is a good excuse to remind adults that just because new technology (blogs, video, social networking sites, email alerts, YouTube, etc.) is available in our world, it does not mean we should break the boundaries of civility, respect and maturity in trying to make our points. We can't use naivety about the consequences as an excuse for poor taste, emotional abuse, or immature behavior. Those boundaries should come from within. How can we expect our children to behave in a civilized manner if we don’t?

What frightens me most is the fear that divorcing parents might emulate this behavior without thinking about how it would affect their children. Even grown children will be mortified by parents hauling their dirty laundry up the flag pole in public areanas, just because they can. I believe this kind of behavior, in the future, will come to be known as pulling a “Trisha.” Let’s hope Trisha becomes a poster child for how not to conduct yourself when your divorce gets dirty and you feel like lashing out!

 

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For more information about the book, her free articles, ezine and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.