Collaborative Divorce Law of the Palm Beaches

Collaborative Divorce :Quote of the Day

It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.... Issac Asminov

Collaborative Divorce :Quote of the Day

'Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future.'

- John F. Kennedy

Is Collaborative Law Right For Your Family?

Choosing a cooperative divorce means that you value an approach that focuses on the needs of the entire family. If you answer "Yes" to most of the questions below, a cooperative process is right for you. 

• Are you more      interested in moving on with your life than in perpetuating a marital      battle in court?
• Do you want to be in control of your future, including custody and financial support issues, rather than relying on a court's decision?
• Do you want your      divorce to be between you and your spouse and not aired in public?
• Do you want to      end the emotional battle--the anger, upset and fighting?
• Do you want to be      treated with respect and dignity during your divorce process?

 

If you have children:

 

• Do you and your partner feel your children are your primary responsibility when making financial plans?

 

• Do you want to      preserve your children's emotional health during and after the divorce?
• Do you want your      children to be able to invite both their parents to all the special events      in their life?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you should lok into Collaborative Divorce law.

Robin Williams Using Collaborative Divorce

Robin Williams Collaborative Divorce

Celebrity divorces are important because they can set the trend for the average couple. It was significant that Robin Williams is getting a collaborative divorce. See one of the many articles at http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/05/61388/index.html People reports that the papers, which were filed in San Francisco, include the following agreement: "We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families. We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably." ANother reason that I respect this guy's work.

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE:  A CASE IN THE OFFICE - PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS 

 

Collaborative Divorce has been utilized by folks going through a divorce for more than twenty years. As   an attorney practicing in both Collaborative Divorce and traditional adversarial method, I see firsthand the benefits of Collaborative Divorce practice over the traditional method. I am writing about a current Collaborative Divorce case in my office. In this case, the parties and lawyers agreed in the first meeting they would use certain standards of conduct throughout the process. Standards such as openness, honesty, mutual respect and a willingness to listen. My client stated her objectives clearly in the first Collaborative session with her husband and the other members of the Collaborative team. She received support from all members of the team. She was able to listen to her husband’s objectives and see the value in his objectives. When my client had an emotional response, the divorce counselor (at the session) was able to assist her to bring her focus back into the session. In fact, the counselor was able to assist the parties learn to deal with their emotions constructively which has made the process work smoothly. 

 

The parties with their lawyers and one CPA have freely exchanged documents (there was one snag which is being resolved satisfactorily) at a fraction of the cost of exchanging documents in litigation. We are close to a settlement and I have a great deal of confidence we will achieve settlement. My legal fees to date are significantly less than they would be in litigation. Not a single threatening or condescending word has been spoken throughout the process. The professionals – lawyers, accountant and mental health therapist – have worked with a sense of getting this case settled in a way that works for everyone. What will life be like for the legal community when the public understands and demands that Collaborative Divorce as a means for resolution of their conflicts.

 

The celebrity community is getting on board. Just heard on the Collaborative Divorce grapevine: Comic actor Robin Williams and his wife are using Collaborative Divorce in their divorce.

 

The Collaborative Divorce Team - How It Can Help

Divorce is a confusing, chaotic and uncertain time. When will you recover from your hurt, anger and fear? What will happen with your home?  Will you ever have financial security? Are you overwhelmed by your finances and worried about how divorce will affect your financial future? How are you going to get through your divorce when there is so much stress, confusion and pain?                                      

How are your children going to manage? Are you concerned about your children and their future?  Children of divorce are vulnerable. How will you pay for your children’s education or fund your retirement?  The choices you make now will impact your and your family's future for many years. You want the best for your children.

Collaborative Divorce can help you solve the legal, emotional, financial and parenting issues.You will have a full Team of Collaborative Professionals working with you and your spouse to provide you with expertise in each of these areas.

You and your spouse will select all of the professional members of your Team at the beginning of your case. You will each choose a Collaborative Lawyer and together you will select a Communication Specialist and a neutral Financial Specialist, if your financial situation warrants it.

The Collaborative Professionals on your Team will counsel, guide, support and educate you as you make decisions about your future. You will do all of this without going to court. You will sign a Collaborative Commitment Agreement, sometimes called a Participation Agreement, to start your Collaborative Divorce.  This Agreement will outline the essential principals of Collaboration. If either of you violates the agreement and goes to court, all the Collaborative Team members must withdraw from the case. This rarely happens. Maybe because the team approach is so helpful to divorcing families, the vast majority of collaborative divorce practice cases reach successful settlement.

Florida Collaborative Divorce - Why are We Talking About Texas?

Collaborative professionals are dedicated to assist divorcing couples in restructuring their family and individual lives in a way that minimizes the potential negative effects of divorce. The Texas model seems to be particularly successful.

"The Texas Model" of collaborative divorce process uses a team approach that always includes a neutral mental health professional. The MHP steps out of the therapist role and takes on the role of a neutral  facilitator or "communication specialist" for the team. This helps everyone communicate more effectively. In this role, the communication specialist also helps parties manage the emotions that surface during the divorce process,thereby facilitating negotiations. The specialist is also available to help with parenting plans when needed. The neutral facilitator helps keep the team moving toward the goal of the best outcomes for the family.

Because divorcing couples and their children are affected in three main ways: emotionally, financially, and legally, neutral financial professionals are also common team members in the Texas model. The model requires both parties to be represented by an attorney.The family benefits not only from the skills and knowledge of each team member, but also from the synergy of the team.The acronym T.E.A.M. - Together Everyone Achieves More - is particularly true of the Texas Model of collaborative divorce practice.

Members, International Association for Collaborative Professionals

  www.collaborativepractice.com

Divorce or Stay Together – a Difficult Challenge for Parents

This is a tough and controversial subject. There are no right or wrong answers, nor are there any simplistic black and white solutions. I am sharing my own perspective, based on my own life experiences. I welcome you to contribute your own perspective as long as you are respectful of the rights of others to see the world in a different light.

I am the author of a new book about parenting and divorce. I also grew up in a family that stayed together for the sake of the kids, so I have a good perspective on both sides of this topic. Obviously neither option is one any family would choose – they both create pain and hurt.

However, I am opting in on the side of divorce as preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children grow up surrounded by sadness and anger. That’s the world I grew up in and the scars are still with me today, many decades later. Dr. Phil often says, “I’d rather come from a dysfunctional family than be in one.” I firmly believe he’s right.

Staying in a marriage only for the kids is a physical choice that doesn’t touch upon the emotional and psychological pain children endure when their parents are a couple in name only. There is no positive role model of how marriage can and should be lived. Happiness, harmony, collaboration, respect and joy are all absent when parents are emotionally divorced while still living together. Children feel it, are confused by it, often blame themselves, are usually guilt-ridden and experience little peace in childhood.

That’s why I chose the other route when my marriage was failing. However, I intuitively understood what not to do in divorce. I consciously created what I call a child-centered divorce, co-parented with my former husband, shared custody and maintained a positive relationship with my ex for the decade to follow. Most gratifying for me is the satisfaction of my now adult son writing the introduction to my new book, acknowledging the merits of my philosophy and behavior.

How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! provides an innovative new way to have the dreaded “divorce” talk. What makes the book unique is that I don’t just tell parents what to say. I say it for them! I use fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to break the news to their children.

Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals from around the U.S. and beyond have been endorsing the book and the value of my novel approach to this subject. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. My purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children. I provide six essential messages every child needs to hear and understand when divorce or separation are pending. I also advise parents, for the sake of their kids, to choose to create a “child-centered divorce” and highlight all the short- and long-term advantages in the months, years and decades to come.

If parents have the maturity and determination to re-connect, get professional assistance and stay together in a renewed commitment to marriage, that would absolutely be ideal. The entire family will benefit and the healing will be a blessing. However, if children are being raised in a war zone or in the silence and apathy of sleep-walking through a dead marriage, divorce may open the door to a healthier, happier future for all concerned. But only – and this is the key point -- only if parents consciously work on creating a harmonious, collaborative child-centered divorce that puts the children’s emotional and psychological needs first!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!. For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

 

Coping with Co-Parenting Challenges Can Be Challenging

Frequently, I am asked “What is the key to successful co-parenting after divorce?” While there is no simple answer to that, I believe most professionals will agree the smartest strategy is learning how to remove anger, hostility or vindictiveness from your interactions with your former spouse.

We all know that’s not always easy to do. However, the benefits you derive will more than make up for the sense of satisfaction or ego gratification you get when you hold on to those damaging emotions.

If you’re intent on creating a child-centered divorce that strives for harmony between you and your ex, you need to initiate the conversation and model win-win solutions. If your ex doesn't want to cooperate, that’s when your patience will certainly be tested. Look for opportunities to clarify why working together as co-parents as often as possible will create far better outcomes for your children. Over time hopefully your ex will see how much more peaceful the family interactions become when you’re not focused on “winning” or butting heads.

In some cases, this just won’t work. If your former spouse is totally hostile and unapproachable, you may have to work on your acceptance skills. You’ll likely have to let go of the idea that child-centered parenting will occur. At this point, the needs and protection of your children must take precedence over trying to engage your ex.

Sometimes it may be necessary for you to keep the other parent at a distance for the well-being of your children. In other cases it might be your ex who is trying to create the distance from you. These challenges are not easy to resolve, but are certainly worth the effort.

If your extended family is excluded by the unenlightened parent, there are ways to try to work around the situation. If visits have been deterred, encourage your family members to express their love and attention through alternative means: telephone calls, emails, social networking chats, letters and other creative resources. The key is not to give up. Continue with any means of communication until the family gains access to the children, even if it is a considerable time in the future.

There are no magic solutions when one spouse is out to spite or hurt the other through the children. But behaving in the same hurtful way is rarely a viable solution. Focus your energies on discussing the well-being of your children in the short- and long-term. Demonstrate patience and determination while containing feelings of anger and ill will. Should your case need legal action to be resolved, your mature parental behavior will be regarded positively when you’re trying to make your case in court. If for no other reason, consider the judge’s perspective before you take actions that will reap undesirable consequences.

Don’t hesitate to consult professional counselors, mediators, clergy or others who can provide objective guidance on how to restore or create harmony for the sake of your children. Often they can offer perspectives you had not thought of or wanted to consider which can lead to new options for all concerned. The more open and flexible you are, the better the possibility of turning a difficult situation into a more cooperative one. Remember, your goal is always what’s in the best interest of your children – even when it’s not the ideal choice for you. When your children are at peace, everyone wins.

 
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For more information about the book, her free articles, ezine and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.

 

© Rosalind Sedacca 2008 All rights reserved.