Collaborative Divorce Law of the Palm Beaches is dedicated to educating the professional and general public about the process and principles of Collaborative Divorce Law.
Two
free Teleseminars Commemorate National
Child-Centered Divorce Month
In recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month, two FREE
teleseminars are being offered on two Thursdays in July. On July 24th at 5:00 p.m. ET, psychologist Dr.
Priscilla Marotta and Attorney Karen Myatt will discuss “Successful
Divorce.” On July 31st 2008
at 5:00 p.m. ET, Attorney, Parenting Coordinator and Divorce Coach
Cindy Harari and Financial Planner Laura Walsh
will discuss the “Challenges of Divorce.” The moderator for both seminars
is Rosalind Sedacca, CCT.
National Child-Centered Divorce Month was initiated by Rosalind
Sedacca, a Certified Corporate Trainer and author of the new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A
Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
Sedacca has created a Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and works
closely with professionals in the divorce community for the purpose of creating
the most positive and harmonious outcomes for families transitioning through
divorce.
The teleseminars will focus on key strategies for achieving emotional,
legal and financial success on a short- and long-term basis. “This will
be a unique opportunity to hear valuable tips on how to reduce the trauma of
divorce,” says Dr. Marotta. “If you are in the divorce process or
already divorced, these two seminars are not to be missed!”
Women and men who want to participate in the free “Successful
Divorce” teleseminar on July 24th and/or the “Challenges
of Divorce” teleseminar on July 31st – both at 5:00 p.m.
EST – should call 218-485-1300.
Then enter the access code 254064.
For more information visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
While Collaborative Divorce can ease the strain and stresses of the divorce process, it may not feel that way to your children. Divorce causes many changes in your life. One of the
biggest changes has to do with co-parenting in two households.
Since both parents no
longer live under the same roof, parenting time schedules must be
established through the course of the divorce proceedings. Once
established, getting your children into the routine begins. This can
be an extremely hard transition for your child.
Here are some steps you
can take to make the parenting transition easier for the children.
1. Confirm all drop off and pick up details are in place before you leave the house
- This should be standard procedure for you and your ex. Do not haggle over details in front of the kids. The longer the drop off
takes, the more anxiety kids feel. A kiss and hug good bye and then the
switch. This is the best way to do it. Having the details worked out
beforehand also prevents any arguing in front of the kids.
2. Be positive
- If your kids are struggling with the idea of being gone, talk to them
about how much fun they might have or how they mentioned missing
the other parent. Emphasize this is their time to get to see their
other parent. It's not unusual for children to feel guilty about leaving a
parent to go to the other parent's house. So let them know you have things to do while they are at their other house. Letting them know you've got
things to do will help relieve any fears about you being lonely.
3. Keep things pleasant and civil in front of the kids
- One of the worst thing you can do is bad mouth your ex-spouse on the way to
a drop off and then get in a fight while there. If you know you aren't
able to be civil, stay in the car or the house when pick up occurs. Let
the kids know you love them, wave and then leave. Remember, the details
should have already been worked out so there's no reason to discuss kid
business at a drop off. If you are at a place emotionally, where you
can say "hi" to your ex and that you hope all of them have a great time
that's wonderful. Don't beat yourself up if you're not there yet.
4. Help the children know the schedule -
Younger kids will especially need this. They can get confused and
anxious about changing houses. Having a calendar or some other
visual clue helps a lot. This is helps older
kids who may want to make plans with friends. This is a quick and easy way for
them to know where they will be, when. Software for color-coded parenting calendars is available and reasonably priced.
5. Give the kids permission to contact you freely
- Both parents should feel comfortable with the kids calling whenever
they feel like it. Don't get caught up in the "this is MY time with
them" war. It's unfair to your children. As a parent, it is up to you not be on the phone with them for hours on end. Just a
quick check in is really all that is necessary. Kids want to know
you are ok and just want to touch base with you.
6. Once in the other home give the children some time to adjust
- Depending on the child, it may take a few minutes or a few hours
to relax and feel comfortable about the switch. Let
them have some space to settle in and feel comfortable. Don't rush them to do things immediately once you
get to your house. They may need some time to get used to being
at your house again.
These steps help your children and
you. Sharing your children's time is one of the hardest
adjustments after divorce. It is important to pay attention and
take the time to make these transitions good for everyone. Because the Collaborative Divorce process is designed to reduce hostilities between parents,
Divorced parents have communication options that were not available to
previous generations. Consider writing a schedule for how and when you
will communicate with your children using technology.
1. Decide on the methods you will use to communicate with your children - telephone, Instant Messenger service and/or webcam should all be considered, depending on your child's age and your available computer equipment.
2. Specify time frames in which the contact will occur but remember that even though time frames are specified, the parents should agree on a specific time within that time frame for contact, as well as the frequency (how often) of contact.
3. Keep in mind that younger children need more frequent contact with parents.
4. The following are suggested time frames and frequency of contact:
Age 1 - 4 between 6:00 pm and 7:00 pm. Daily.
Age 5 -9 between 6:00 pm and 7:30 pm. Daily or several times per week
Age 10 – 12 between 6:00 pm and 8 pm Several times per week
Age 12+ between 6:00 pm and 9:00 pm. At least weekly
5. Keep in mind that children's schedules and activities change as they grow. When choosing a timeframe, keep the children's activities in mind as well as both parents’ work schedules.
6. Also remember that children are often more comfortable with technology than you are. You may have to receive instruction on a particular technology from your child.
7. You may want to create email accounts on free services such as Yahoo, Hotmail or Gmail that will only be used for parent-child contact. Choose a screen name that is appropriate for your children to see. When creating a screen name for a child it is best not to indicate age (or to use a combination of numbers that appear to be a birthdate or age, i.e., Jane798@yahoo.com, within the name. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement offers child-related computer safety tips. Become familiar with online safety issues.
8. You will have to agree on a particular service if you agree to use a webcam or Instant Messenger. Some of the Instant Messenger services are combined with webcam capability, which makes the mechanics of contact easier.
Mental health research consistently shows that children who have two
parents involved in their lives do better. Consider making a
communication schedule to add to your Florida parenting plan.
Collaborative law principles are explained in this declaration:
I. The Collaborative Law Process Collaborative Law is a cooperative, confidential, voluntary conflict resolution process for spouses going through a separation, dissolution or other family law matter.
The participants, which include the spouses and their attorneys, acknowledge the essence of “Collaborative Law” is the shared belief that it is in the best interest of the spouses and their family to commit themselves to avoiding adversarial proceedings, especially litigation. Instead, the parties work together to create shared solutions to the issues present in their family.
The goal of Collaborative Law is to minimize, if not eliminate, the negative economic, social and emotional consequences of litigation to families. Choosing Collaborative Law requires a commitment to resolving differences in an atmosphere of mutual respect and equality.
II. No Court or Other Intervention Collaborative Law requires a commitment to settling the issues involved without court intervention. Participants must agree to give full, honest and open disclosure of all information, whether requested or not. Participants must agree to engage in informal settlement meetings and conferences to settle all issues.
III. Resolution There is no guarantee that the process will be successful in resolving a dispute. The Collaborative process cannot eliminate concerns about disharmony, distrust and irreconcilable differences which have led to the current breakdown of the marriage. Although participants are committed to reaching a shared solution, each person is still expected to identify and assert his or her respective interests and the parties’ respective attorneys will assist each of them to do so.
IV. Participation With Respect & Integrity Participants must commit to protecting the privacy, respect and dignity of all involved, including the children, the other party, the attorneys and consultants.
Each participant must commit to maintaining a high standard of personal integrity; specifically, participants shall not take advantage of the other participants, or of miscalculations or inadvertent mistakes of others, but shall work to identify and correct them. All participants agree to treat the other participants with respect during the Collaborative process. V. Experts & Consultants Sometimes the input of outside experts such as accountants, appraisers, mediators and therapists may be needed to assist the participants in reaching creative and informed solutions. If any such experts are needed, they will be retained jointly. All such experts and other consultants retained in the Collaborative process shall be directed to work in a cooperative effort to resolve issues.
In the event the Collaborative process terminates, all consultants will be disqualified as witnesses and their work product will be inadmissible as evidence. However, new consultants retained for litigation will be permitted to review the work product and reports or prior Collaborative process consultants to facilitate transition for the participants. VI. Negotiation in Good Faith The Collaborative process, even with full and honest disclosure, will involve vigorous good faith negotiation. Each participant will be expected to take a reasoned position in all disputes. Where such positions differ, each participant will use his or her best efforts to create proposals that meet the fundamental needs of both participants, and if necessary, to compromise to reach a settlement. Although participants may discuss the likely outcome of a litigated result, none will use threats of abandoning the Collaborative process or threats of litigation as a way to force settlement. VII. Attorneys’ Role The attorneys’ role is to provide an organized framework that will make it easier for the spouses to reach an agreement on each issue. The attorneys will help make observations, suggest options, help them express needs and goals, check the workability of proposed solutions and prepare and file all written paperwork for the court. The attorneys and parties work together to reach solutions that serve the needs of both parties. VIII. Abuse of the Collaborative Process The Collaborative attorney will withdraw from a case as soon as possible upon learning that his or her client has withheld or misrepresented information or otherwise acted to undermine or take take unfair advantage of the Collaborative process. Examples of such violations of the process include: secret disposition of marital, quasi-marital or separate assets; failing to disclose the existence or true nature of assets or obligations; failure to participate in the the spirit of the Collaborative process, abusing the children or planning to flee the jurisdiction of the court, with or without the children. IX. Disqualification By Court Intervention An attorney’s representation in the Collaborative process is limited to that process. No attorney representing a party in the Collaborative process can ever represent that party in a court proceeding against the other spouse. In the event a court filing is unavoidable, both attorneys are disqualified from representing either client and will assist the respective client in the transition to litigation counsel. X. Children’s Issues In resolving issues about sharing the enjoyment and responsibility of children, parents, attorneys and child specialists shall make every effort to reach amicable solutions that promote the children's best interests.
Parents will act quickly to resolve differences related to the children and to promote a caring, loving and involved relationship between the children and both parents.
Every effort will be made to insulate the children from involvement in the parents’ disputes. The parents will not discuss the disputed issues with the children or within earshot of the children. Both parents will attend the parent education course at the earliest opportunity.
It REALLY is different with Collaborative divorce.
Collaborative Divorce practice does not allow the game playing and ego driven activities of client and lawyer so often seen in the traditional divorce. So often in traditional divorce practice I see a client's desire to punish the other spouse by gameplaying with support and/or time sharing. These desires are often cloaked by some self-serving justification. Some lawyers will run with that motivation so as not to lose the client or to appear "tough" to the client. Hostilities between the parties and their lawyers escalate to the point that the clients are not speaking to each other and the lawyers will not resolve anything with each other informally such that the most mundane problems can only be resolved by a hearing before the judge. Every time a lawyer attends a hearing there is more than likely one hour or more of time charged. The result almost always is the generation of more attorneys fees and costs than necessary. Lawyers desiring to justify their existence and "protect" their client's position must call up matters for hearings, file motions, write nasty letters, and take other actions all of which are not necessary to the final desired result - the divorce. None of the above-described actions occur in Collaborative Divorce practice. The parties and their attorneys sign an agreement which prevents such actions. Without gamesmanship by the lawyers or the clients, both are freed to pursue the fair and just termination of the marriage. The other constraint against such escalation of hostilities is the involvement of a mental health therapist in the Collaborative Divorce practice. An impartial counselor who is involved in the meetings with the clients and lawyers is able to quickly de-fuse hostilities and help the clients take the focus off ego-centered activities and place the focus on the desired result - the divorce and re-structuring of the family.
For any questions about Collaborative Divorce Practice call or email either Joe Considine or Pam Wynn.
One frequent question is, "How much will the collaborative divorce cost?" Each case is unique, but typically, the collaborative approach will cost one-third to one-half as much as if the same case had gone to court. This is because there are no motions to prepare, no court hearings to attend or travel to, and because information is provided voluntarily instead of being subpoenaed through the expensive legal process called discovery.
Lawyers and other team members all bill separately for their services, and are brought in only as needed. One reason for high attorney bills is using the attorney as a therapist. A lawyers' hourly rate is higher than a therapist’s rate. The lawyer is not trained in mental health issues so if you are spending time talking about emotional issues, you are not using your money wisely. The collaborative team uses each member's strength, training and background to provide the most cost-effective resolution for your divorce case.
