When we are in the midst
of life trauma it is very difficult to experience anything but the pain,
disappointment, hurt and anguish related to that experience. That’s only
natural. But very often, looking back in hindsight, we can find meaning,
relevance, valuable lessons and insights that were the direct result of those
major life challenges. Without that life-altering event we would not become the
successes we are today.
Many people look upon
that result as the “gift” they received from the experience – the wisdom they
gleaned, the turning point they needed to move on to a new chapter in their
lives. They look back and can say the lesson was tough, but they don’t regret
it in the least.
I believe divorce can be
looked upon as one of those “gifts” and life lessons if we choose to look for
the reward. What did you learn as a result of this experience? Who are you
today that you would not have been had you not divorced? Do you see inner
wisdom or strength that makes
you proud? Have you made decisions that are more
supportive of your life and values? Do you like yourself better? Have you found
new career directions or new meaning in life as a direct result of your divorce?
If you can’t yet answer
yes to any of these questions, give yourself time. Perhaps you have not fully
moved through the inner and outer transitions resulting from your divorce.
Perhaps you are still holding on to resentment, anger, jealousy or other negative
emotions that are keeping you from experiencing the freedom from old
programming and patterns.
I believe there is a
gift in every tough experience in our lives – if we choose to see it. And why
shouldn’t we put our energy in that direction? What good does it do to hold on
to a past that has slipped away – or to people who are not giving us the love
and support we deserve? When we let go of the past, we open the door to a new
future – and only then can we empower ourselves to create that future as a much
better outcome for ourselves and those we love.
Shelley Stile is a professionally trained Life
Coach (http://www.changecoachshelley.com) specializing in divorce issues. She
has written about this topic and her advice is worth sharing with you:
“Everything that occurs
in our lives and everything that we are (warts and all) has a hidden gift. If
you speak to someone who has survived divorce and has gone on to create a
vibrant life based upon their own passions and values, they will certainly tell
you that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. That may not
be true for you but there is a gift waiting for you to find. My ex likes to say
that he is responsible for my new career and to a certain extent he has played
a part. Oftentimes it takes a good whack on the head to awaken us to life’s
possibilities and our own happiness.
It’s the old adage:
Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true. Search for the gifts of your
divorce and it becomes yet another step toward a successful recovery from the
trauma of divorce.
Successful divorce
recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower, the work that has taken place
underneath the surface of the ground, invisible to the human eye, is the
crucial aspect. Without that subterranean work, there would be no flower. The
reward of the flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root
system. It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you will ultimately
see the outer rewards.”
Don’t be afraid to go
within and plant the seeds for the tomorrow you dream about. With love,
patience and gratitude I know your garden will ultimately grow and flourish!
* * * *
Rosalind
Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook,
How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to
Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides
fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that
guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For
more information about the book, Rosalind’s free articles and free ezine visit
http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved
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