Collaborative Divorce Law of the Palm Beaches

Divorce - Pearls of Wisdom

Divorce is certainly a challenging and revealing process. If we’re to truly learn from the past and not repeat the same mistakes in future, it’s crucial to take the time to reflect on those pearls of wisdom your divorce has to offer. It’s in a crisis that you can really learn what makes you tick.

By reflecting upon, and articulating, the lessons learned, one gains true wisdom and the ability to… master one’s life. As the year winds down to a close, it’s a perfect time to notice and share those pearls. If you were at the end of your life, looking back on your experience, what advice or lessons would you want to pass on to others who were just about to start out?

I recently took the opportunity to do just that and want to offer you some of the pearls of wisdom I have gained.

1. Love and accept yourself completely. Life is WAY more fun that way.
2. Peace must start within yourself before you can see it or create is it in your family, community or the world.
3. The greatest wisdom is in the heart, not the head.
4. Be damn grateful to be alive.
5. It’s natural that people come in to and out of your life. But you are never alone.
6. Trust that the Universe is a friendly place and that you are loved.
7. Your ego’s only job is to keep you safe. But don’t believe everything it tells you.
8. Speak your truth always.
9. It doesn’t matter if other people like you or agree with you. What matters is that YOU like you and that you act with integrity.
10. Sink into and notice the little moments and details of your life. That’s where the wonder and joy of living will be found.
11. See everyone and everything as incredible gifts for you to unwrap.
12. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. That’s an ego game designed to keep you stuck. What matters are the choices you make.
13. Be humble. Don’t take anyone for granted. That includes you as well.
14. Everything is energy. Everything has a vibration. Everything you do, say or think creates a ripple effect. Managing your vibration is the most profound and sacred duty you have.
15. Forgive yourself when you make a mistake or react out of fear. Love yourself forward.
16. Use your feelings, honor them and express them. Feelings are the language of the soul.
17. Expect to feel fear when you’re doing something new. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Welcome it as a sign you’re growing and expanding.
18. Celebrate your victories. Celebrate your mistakes. Celebrate everything that contributes to your awakening and remembrance of how incredible you truly are.
19. Remember you created your life’s curriculum before you got here. There are no mistakes in life. Life is like an adventure. Don’t forget to have fun along the way.
20. Our greatest challenges are the greatest teachers because they require you to draw upon wisdom, strength and resources you might never otherwise know that you had.

So, what are some of your own pearls?

©2008 Carolyn B. Ellis

“Author and divorce coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the Founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com which helps separated and divorced individuals improve relationships, increase self-confidence and save time and heartache. She is the award-winning author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive after Divorce. To read a FREE chapter of her Parenting after Divorce 101 ebook that contains simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit http://www.parentingafterdivorce101.com/.

More Collaborative Divorce TV

The collaborative divorce process will be featured in a new documentary set to run on Canadian television.Along with the couple using the collaborative divorce process, a couple using mediation and another doing it themselves will be featured.

It should be interesting the see the side-by-side comparisions as the couple each move through the divorce process.

Collaborative Divorces & Gratitude

Divorce professionals can talk all they want about how great collaborative divorce is, but to me it makes a much bigger impact when divorced parents talk about the benefits of collaborative divorce that they see. Blogger Nikki Jo posted a beautiful entry about Thanksgiving post-divorce on I Loved Deeper. Here's a slice of her post:

But in a world where people hate each other after divorce…. try to make each other’s lives a living hell…. hurting the ones they once loved and using their children, who should be protected, as pawns in such wars….. I am so very thankful that I am not in one of those relationships.

As we all sat around the table, decorating cookies and making endless fun of one another, I was reminded that my children (and myself) will be so much happier later in life looking back and having these memories of our family (Jon and I both included) spending quality time together.

Go ahead and read the whole post by clicking the link above and be thankful if you are also "not in one of those relationships," especially around the holidays.

Collaborative Divorce Process - Which is More Important - Money or Fairness?

One of my favorite bloggers, Melani Ward, posted this article today. It seems applicable to the collaborative process, doesn't it? The whole post is reprinted below, but you can also click on the title to read it at Melani's blog.

Money or Fairness – Which is More Important?

02 December 2008 | Brain | admin

Did you know that social pain and physical pain light up the same regions of the brain on an MRI and that as far as the brain goes, social pain is just as harmful as physical pain?

The brain also finds fairness intrinsically important. When people’s brains are being monitored, scientist have concluded that when people judge a situation to be fair, reward centers of the brain light up just like they do when they see a loved one or taste great food.

On the other hand, unfair situations generate significant fear and light up a region of the brain that is stimulated when we feel disgust. In one study they found that fairness was more important to the brain than money. What a relief! I was beginning to think money was all anyone cared about.

So, how can you apply this information at work or in your personal life?

Healthy work environments and healthy relationships are a result of instilling fairness and setting up rewards that make people feel positive.

When you embrace social fairness and apply it to every relationship you have, you are essentially dousing everyone with whom you come in contact with serotonin. Serotonin opens the mind and makes people feel great and successful. In return, you’ll be rewarded with individuals who want to be with you more, learn more from you, and do more for you.

On the flip side, if you diminish someone, it’s like you’re injecting them with high levels of cortisol which will shut the brain down and close it off to new ideas and a willingness to help you out.

So, in every relationship you have, think about how you can inject a little more “social fairness” into the equation. Are your words, actions, feelings, and energy generating positive thoughts and positive responses? Are you praising those who work for you or under you? Are you showing and telling them how grateful you are for them? Are you showing gratitude to those you’re in relationships with?

Imagine yourself with a Serotonin Soaker and see how much more satisfying and productive all your interactions can be.

Check out this article on How the Brain Works.