DIY Divorce in Florida

Divorcing Parents & Holiday Gifts

In the midst of divorce, with Black Friday approaching, it may be tempting to get some fabulously expensive presents for the kids this year to try to make up for the situation, don't.

• If you blow the budget, you'll literally have to pay later (and longer). Putting more on your credit card is not the solution. It's emotional spending and you can't afford that.

• It's not a good example for your kids. You want them to be able to manage money, so set an example for them to follow.

• No matter how fabulous the gift, it won't make up for the fact that you are getting a divorce. Your kids will see through this attempt and learn to manipulate you.

80% of kids whose parents are divorced want one thing - more time with their parents. So forget the fancy, expensive presents. Stay home on Black Friday and spend time with your kids. That's really what they want.

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Divorcing Dads - Lessons from Super Bowl's Mike Tomlin

Dads are important to kids - just ask Mike Tomlin, coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers. No matter which team you'll be cheering for tomorrow, you have to respect this guy. This week, Tomlin said, "When I am asked for my advice on how to succeed in life, I often answer: dream … dream big." 

Dreams can take us far; they can take our children far. But our children need our help. They need dads who believe in those dreams as strongly as they do, men with the maturity and wisdom to guide them to the place where their dreams are within their grasp. Children need a father like my own, who day by day and year by year lifted me higher and higher, until the possibility of my dreams was well within my reach.

Lest you think, "Yeah right, Mike, but I'm getting divorced," Tomlin is referring to his stepfather. Seems his own dad left and didn't look back. He credits his stepdad with nurturing his dreams and for his ultimate success in life. You can read his full comments here.

We now know how important it is for dads to continue to be involved with their kids after divorce. Social scientists have studied kids of divorce for several decades now. The risks for teen pregnancy, school drop outs, and substance abuse are all increased for children of divorce. The one thing that lowers these risks is having two involved parents.

Even if you don't live with your kids, stay involved in their lives. Pick up the phone, write a note, send a card or email. Your kids need you.

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Divorced Parents - The 12 Tips of Christmas

Here are 12 tips to help you through the Christmas season whether you are separated or already divorced:  

1. Don't Make Your Kids Choose.

This one is absolutely essential. It can be tempting to ask the kids where they want to be, but resist at all costs.  It’s been well documented you should not bad mouth the other parent, but it might be less obvious that you should never make your kids decide who they want to be with for the holiday. It is the same as asking them which family they like the best. That's one of the reasons for having a parenting schedule - everyone knows who is where when.

2. It's Tempting, But Do Not Split the Holiday.

You’ll be tempted to “split the holiday”  if you live close by each other. Maybe Christmas Eve with Mom until after Christmas breakfast and then over to Dad’s house for the rest of the day. Seems like everyone benefits, right? Wrong. You kids will be taken away from their new toys and everyone will spend alot of time getting to places. Make it easier on your kids and accept that you won’t see them every year.

3.  Skip the Relative Visit Loop.

While it's important for your kids to stay connected to extended family, if you only have a few days with them, it is no fun to always be driving somewhere else. Same principle as number 2 - a good intention that leads to a frustrating holiday. You’re together with your children. Go where you want to be, settle in and stay there. Let the relatives come to your house.

5. Coordinate Gifts.

Make sure to coordinate gift giving with your ex. Your kids will have the same Santa list for both of you. If you don’t want them to get two Elmo Lives and no WALL-E Robot, you'll need to coordinate. This one is easy to do by email. Along the same line, don't try to compete by giving expensive gifts - it will backfire a million times.

6. Skip the Guilt.

This one can be related to 5. Don’t take away from your time together by feeling guilty that you’ve “brought this on” your kids. If you make your time together special, they won’t notice, and you shouldn’t either. Also, don’t make your kids feel guilty for having fun at their “other Christmas.” A pressure-free, guilt-free holiday is the best Christmas gift to give your kids.

7. Take Pictures!

They’ll remember what’s in the pictures. This might sound trivial, but take alot of pictures when you are with your kids. You could even make them an album of the holiday. You’ll never be sure if it’s for them or you, but do it anyway.

8. Build a Seasonal Tradition.

Remember that Christmas is a season, not just a day. The more pressure you put on celebrating on an actual day, the more likely you are to be stressed out. Pick something special for the weekends you have them in December, and do it every year so that it becomes "your" holiday tradition to share with the kids. It could be anything from decorating the tree, caroling, making empanadas, putting up lights to watching Rudolph. This lets you focus on a season of family and fun.

9. One-on-One Kid Time.

If you have more than one child, try to make time for each one of them individually at the holidays. Watch a special movie together with one, take a walk with the other, run to the store to get egg nog with the third. They’ll appreciate their special alone time  and so will you.

10. Have Fun Yourself.

Do what you need to and have some fun yourself. This can be a difficult one too. If you have the kids, stop trying to make everything perfect and kick back and enjoy. If this is not your year to see them, make some alternate plans and go enjoy yourself.

11. Play Santa

Make sure that your children have a card and a gift for the other parent. Even if the other parent has never taken the kids to get you a gift, be the bigger person. Go to the dollar store, get on the computer and design a card together. Just do it.

12. Get into the Spirit of the Season.

This is a time for giving, forgiving and new starts. Turn Scrooge's emotional lessons about holidays past, present and future into New Year's resolutions about letting go of anger and treasuring all you have—despite all you have lost.

Florida Divorce: Holiday Tips for Parents

Holidays can be tough for kids whose parents are divorced. Don't make it worse for your children. Over at the Dad-O-Matic blog, there are some tips on dealing with the holidays after divorce. The same tips apply if you are currently in the divorce process.

Related post Avoid Vacation Drama

Online Safety for Kids - New Browser

Keeping kids safe online should be a priority for all parents, not just divorced parents. How to do it just became easier with KidZui, a special web browser that contains only kid-safe content. The basic version is free, and includes a core of features for both children and their justifiably worried parents.

When KidZui launched in March 2008, the list of approved content included around 500,000 sites. Eight months on, that's now expanded to more than a million pieces of content, with 50 editors still contracted to review new material and purge links that have changed or are dead. KidZui allows only the pre-approved content so your kids cannot go to any sites accidentally.

If you are concerned with online safety, check out KidZui.