Through the years I've seen many divorcing couples at the end of their marriages. At first I wondered how they got to the point of divorce. After observing divorcing couples for more than two decades now, I have noticed some common characteristics of divorcing couples which leads me to believe that these are the leading causes of divorce:
1. Not keeping the lines of communication open. Good communication requires both the ability to express and listen. Communication skills can be learned.
2. Thinking that your disagreements will resolve themselves. Deal with your disagreements when they arise or you are likely to havbe some variartion on the same argument for the next fifty years.
3. Making assumptions. This is closely related to communication skills. Do not just assume you know how your partner feels or how s/he would react.
4. Not expressing gratitude. Tell your partner something that you appreciate about her/him on a daily basis.
5. Treating your partner as your enemy. This is serious. Your partner shouldn't EVER feel like your enemy. If there's so much anger that you feel like you are enemies, get help as soon as possible.
6. Blaming your partner for your feelings. You are responsible for your own feelings. Remember that you have the power to change your thinking and your behavior. You don;t have to stay stuck in negative patterns.
Divorce is serious business. If you don't want to fall prey to the leading causes of divorce, pay attention to the warning signals and take action. Don't let discontent fester or you may head to divorce court too.
If you are already seeing the signs for any of these leading causes of divorce, consider a counselor, coach or therapist. Communication is key. If you can master good communication skills, you can save your marriage.
If there isn't money in your budget for on-going individual help, you might want to try a special e-book that some of my counselor and therapist friends put together. All of them have tons of experience helping people save their marriages. They understand that perceptions about your partner are the key to sving your marriage. Their book, Save the Marriage, is a good deal and really does help people who want to save their marriage from the leading causes of divorce.