DIY Divorce in Florida

Florida Divorce: Order in the House!

Developing a Parenting Plan as soon as possible after the divorce decision has been made is something I advocate strongly. Those who have taken the DIY Divorce Parenting Plan Study Course know that I sometimes sound like a broken record (broken CD?) talking about the importance of stability in children's lives. But stability is important for kids.

A new study shows just how important stability can be. Professors from Columbia Teacher's College studied children's early reading skills and the degree of household disorganization & schedules. Although some think the results of "Order in the House" were surprising, I don't. Kids with regular schedules and more orderly homes have higher reading comprehension. The professors were studying reading skills but these same principles apply in most areas of your children's lives.

Kids want and need stability to do well in life. If you want your kids to get through the divorce with as little damage as possible, get them into a stable routine as soon as possible. And while you're at it, please put away that load of laundry. Who knows? The FCAT is coming and your kids might just do better, despite your divorce proceeding.

Florida Divorce & Special Needs Children - It's Autism Month

Parents of children with autism divorce at a reported rate of 80%, although no actual research can be found to document this rate. No doubt there is tremendous marital stress in autism families.

Some couples are drawn closer together but for others in relationships that are fragile or unstable, a diagnnosis can be “the last straw.” As Josh Greenfeld wrote about his child with autism, “There is a strain on any marriage whenever a baby is sick...and we always have a sick baby.”

The requirements of children with autism and other complex medical problems and special needs are complex and elusive. Parents of children with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), Learning Disabilities (SLD), Autism, as well as sensory, muscular and developmentally challenged children face the same marital strain that other parents do, but they also have the stressors of caring for special needs children.

Finances come into play too. One of the chief causes of divorce is financial problems. A family with autism can be under financial stress from paying for evaluations and treatments (sometimes on credit which can make it worse in the long run), job losses, inability to be employed due to child duties, etc.

It may even be necessary to divorce to get state-supported services for the child that are otherwise unaffordable. (In Florida the state ended the "medically needy" Medicaid program effective July 2009.)

When "special needs" parents decide to terminate their marriage, the issues of time sharing, decision-making, custody and support take on whole new dimensions. The legal concepts used for dealing with those issues don't fit the "special needs" of the autism family.

Legal professionals are largely ignorant of the unique and sensitive care required to competently address "special needs " children when formulating parenting plans.

Florida Divorce: No Bad Mouthing!

Divorce is emotional business. When you are annoyed with your spouse, it can be tempting to bad mouth them to others, especially if others are willing to goad you on.. Resist the urge. It can be difficult to do, but during your Florida divorce, it can have severe consequences. The video below discusses this issue and why you should avoid it.

Under the new (October 2008) best interest of the child factors in Florida law, bad mouthing the other parent can have legal consequences. One of the clear points of the new best interest of children factors is to get the children out of the middle. Bad mouthing the other parent can be used against you when deciding parental responsibility and timesharing schedules.

Florida Parenting Plans - The Basics & Beyond

Florida parenting plans will need to cover some basic areas. Of course, the primary area will be the timesharing schedule of the plan. When will each of you have the children with you? Holidays, school vacation days, special occasions, illnesses, and travel logistics all need to be considered when developing your schedule. An economical software program can help you see how the schedule looks on a color-coded calendar.

Some other areas related to the timesharing schedule include:

• Pick up & drop off arrangements
• Right of first refusal
• Telephone, email and webcam contact
• Transfer of clothing, toys and other child accessories
• Time with extended family members on both sides

Keep in mind your family's unique situation when developing the timesharing schedule. Each family must now develop a timesharing schedule for their Florida Parenting Plan.

DIYDivorce now offers a downloadable Comprehensive Florida Parenting Plan. In Word 2003 format, the Parenting Plan is easy to customize for your family. Simply check the boxes in each section according to your agreement. The plan covers:

Florida Co-Parenting - Making Transitions Between Homes Easier For Your Kids

Divorce changes your life in many respects. One of the most important changes has to do with co-parenting in two households. Parenting contact schedules or parenting plans must be established through the course of the divorce proceedings. Once established, getting your children into the routine begins. These can be difficult transitions for your children.

Here are some steps to take to make the transitions between homes easier for your kids:

1. Before you leave home confirm all drop off and pick up details are in place. This should be standard procedure for you and your ex. Don't haggle over details in front of the kids. The longer the drop off takes, the more anxiety kids feel. Kiss and hug them goodbye and then make the switch. This is the best way to do it. Working the details out beforehand also prevents any arguing in front of the kids.

2. Stay positive - If your kids are struggling with the idea of being gone, talk to them about how much fun they may have or how they had missed the other parent. Emphasize that this is their time to see and spend time with their other parent. It's not unusual for children to feel guilty about going to the other parent's house. Letting them know you have things to do while they are at their other house. Letting the kids know you've got things to do will also help to relieve fears about you being lonely.

3. Keep things nice, pleasant and civil in front of the children - One of the worst thing you can do is bad