DIY Divorce in Florida

What I Learned from my Dog

Today's guest post is from Carolyn Ellis:

Manifesting and attaining your goals has become an increasingly popular pursuit. The movie, “The Secret,” jump-started the discussion of the law of attraction and manifestation in mainstream culture. People seek out seminars, workshops and gurus to help learn the secrets of manifestation so we can fulfill our heart’s desire.

My manifestation guru looks a little different than most. She has wavy golden locks, a shaggy beard, 3 inch eyelashes, four legs and speaks no English (or any human language). My guru’s name is Sandy and she is my labradoodle dog.

Sandy suffered a back injury, so I’m no longer bringing her favorite tennis ball with us to play fetch (which is her favorite activity in the world). However, I’ve watched her unfailingly manifest one tennis ball after another out of the thick, overgrown, ankle-high grass in our local school yard and the ravine! Something magical seems to be going on here given Sandy’s success at regularly finding what amounts to the proverbial needle in a haystack.

Here’s what I consider to be the keys to Sandy’s success….

1. Be Clear on What You Want

Sandy knows what she wants. It’s not a stick, a squirrel, a pine cone, or her mom. It’s a round, fuzzy, green tennis ball. If you’ve gone through a life challenge, like divorce, I’m certain you have a laundry list of all the things you don’t want. To manifest your dreams, it’s critical to take the time to be clear on what it is you DO want. Create that picture and hold it fiercely in your mind and in your heart as Sandy holds her beloved tennis ball in her mouth.

2. You Deserve What You Want

Humans seems to have have a unique ability for creating our own suffering. We diffuse our energy and focus wondering if we are worthy and deserving our dreams. Dogs like Sandy do not. There is no doubt in Sandy’s mind that she is fully deserving of that tennis ball. She doesn’t assess whether if her parents were different if it would be easier for her to find a tennis ball. Sandy throws herself into pursuit of her dream with no hesitation.

3. The Joy is in the Journey

Each time we go to the park, it’s clear how in the moment Sandy is. She is grateful to be outside, sniffing the dirt, on the hunt for her treasure whether it’s raining or sunny. Her tail spins like a propeller as she track down her ball. I swear she has a huge grin on her face as she looks up from the deep grass to check in with me visually. It’s as if she is saying, “Boy, is THIS ever a lot of fun!”

Let’s remember that the joy is in the journey, not simply in the attainment of our goals. Savor the process of discovery and be in the present moment. That is where the magic happens.

4. Belief is Stronger than the Physical Evidence

On the surface, finding a green ball in a field of overgrown grass or leaf-strewn ravine seems daunting. I feel for Sandy as she searches and tell her that she’s probably not going to find any balls today. That, of course, is the moment her head pops up from the bushes with her latest conquest. Sandy’s belief in her dream is unwavering.

Holding a powerful belief, even when the results you’re looking for don’t seem to come in, is critical. It’s your job to maintain and hold your belief and its vibration as strongly as you can. Despite a lack of physical evidence in the moment, or even in the face of criticism or disbelief from people around you, hold your belief. Know that you can never connect to a dream without at the same time having the ability to manifest that dream into reality.

5. Consistent Effort

Quite often people don’t get what they want and “cross the finish line” is because they give up before they get there. It’s easy to get distracted with other goals or make excuses as to why we can’t have what we want. I think a great degree of Sandy’s success is because of her consistent effort. She keep circling, tracking and hunting down her goal. She has equal measure of passion and patience. Taking small purposeful action on a consistent basis is far more powerful and effective than taking one huge giant step every now and then.

© 2008-2009 Carolyn B. Ellis

Success Strategist, coach and best-selling author, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the founder of ThrivePrinciples.com, empowering you to thrive no matter what your outside circumstances are. To get free tips on turning adversity into opportunity in order to improve your relationships, increase your self-confidence and reach your highest potential, visit www.ThrivePrinciples.com

Legal Research Help for Do It Yourself Divorce - Compliments of Google

Much of Florida divorce law is made in the appellate court opinions. That makes it difficult for DIYers representing themselves to find out what Florida divorce law really says. Doing legal research is a learned skill and it's expensive.

You see, there two large companies that have pretty much a lock on the legal research market. That means subscriptions to legal research services are ridiculously expensive. Enter Google Scholar.

This latest beta offering from Google lets you do free legal research. So far, it looks pretty good. And the free price certainly beats the pay-per-minute options from Westlaw and Lexis-Nexis that currently exist for DIYers. Your only other option is a trip to the county law library, many of which are no longer updated due to budget cutbacks and the move to digital legal research.

Here are my initial observations from running a few searches from the advanced caselaw mode for Florida divorce cases:

• It hits the big cases on the general divorce topics. The top results in Google Scholar generally seem to correspond to the most cited cases. The most authoritative, Florida Supreme Court opinions, are shown first.

• It shows related cases - known to lawyers by the trade name Shepherd's - under the tab"How Cited." [n.b. to lawyers - Google does not appear to track appellate decisions issued without opinions, only the lower court decision is reported.]

• It seems to be able to take common words and search for the corresponding legal terms. For example, a search for property division returns the equitable distribution cases.

• Although the default settings are not for case law, you can set your own preferences very easily by clicking on the Preferences text link on the Google Scholar search page.

I'll be using Google Scholar alongside my regular legal research program to see how it compares. For now, my initial opinion is that Google Scholar will be very helpful for people representing themselves in Florida divorces.

 

Travel Planning for Life

Today's post is from Carolyn Ellis, creator of the Thrive After Divorce program.

Traveling to a new place brings out the explorer spirit of curiosity in us. But what would life be like if we treated every day as one big adventure? To thrive in life means to bring a sense of wonder and excitement to each day, and not just for those few weeks when we may travel to some new destination. We can adapt some of the strategies we use when planning a trip in our daily life as well.

Set a Course and Get Prepared

In real life, many of us don’t have a clear plan or itinerary for where we want to go. Without a clear destination in mind, it’s no wonder sometimes people feel like life is passing them by.

The first step is to decide where you want to go… What itinerary are you planning for your life? Once you consciously choose your destination, you get prepared. You figure out how to get there, what kind of currency and immunizations you’ll need, and what kind of clothing you need to bring.

Create an Itinerary

In our day-to-day lives, we tend to not give our plans the kind of persistent and consistent action needed to realize the results we want. In terms of preparation, we leave ourselves ill-informed or under-resourced to tackle the plans we do have.

Once the vacation destination has been selected, most of us will come up with at least a rough game plan or itinerary. What do you want to see and experience? How long will you want to stay there?

Pack along our Curiosity

Curiosity broadens our horizons, so be sure to bring it with you. An important ingredient of any adventure is a strong sense of curiosity. Pretend you are an explorer, setting off to find out something new and wondrous. Be open and present.

It’s not Personal

When you travel, you just know that unexpected things are bound to happen. The hotel you booked is a dive. The only day you have to visit that world-famous museum is the one day of the year it’s closed.

Not Sure If You've Got What It Takes To Represent Yourself In A Florida Divorce?

DIY Divorce in Florida released a Special Report titled "Do You Have What It Takes To Represent Yourself in a Florida Divorce? Avoiding the 3 Most Common Mistakes Divorcing Parents Make" last month. It's been very popular.

Believe me when I tell you that representing yourself in a Florida divorce isn't for everyone. That's why I wrote the Report.

After reading the Special Report, if you think that you've got what it takes to self-represent, you can try out our  Tele Test Drive Florida Divorce Class. It's a chance to test drive the Divorce Professor's Crash Course on Florida Divorce Law at no cost to see if our course is right for you.

You've got nothing to lose and everything to learn.

So if you're considering representing yourself, read our Special Report and join us for the Tele Test Drive Class on Florida Divorce Law. You'll be glad you did. Even if you decide to hire a lawyer, what you'll learn in our Special Report and Tele Test Drive class will save you money.

Related Post
Florida Divorce: Your Responsibilities When Representing Yourself

Divorce Overwhelm

Divorce CAN be overwhelming. In today's post,Lisa Decker, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, answers the question - Where Do I Start?

Hi Lisa, 

Help...I'm feeling so overwhelmed by everything with my divorce,  I don't know where to begin.  So many details to attend to and papers to gather.  Any suggestions?

A.K., Covington, Ga.

Dear A.K.,

First let me say that what you are feeling is normal.  I hope you will join in on the webinar, Divorce Dollars and $ense this week as there will be lots of helpful advice there. 

This excerpt from a recent article I wrote, "Wise Ways to Make Divorce Decisions," should give you more food for thought.

Divorce, like many life-altering challenges, has many decisions to be faced and dealt with.  There are documents to be gathered for the financial aspects, issues to be dealt with on the legal side, and relationship issues with children and soon-to-be ex's.  Any one of these can be exhausting, but in combination, they can be flat out overwhelming, leading to more stress in an already distressing environment.

I find clients typically fall into one of these modes when faced with decisions:

•     They shut down and don't do anything unless and until it is absolutely necessary;
  
•     They make rash decisions that may not always be in their interests because they hurry  through the decision making process;
  
•     They research and become fixated by analysis paralysis.
  
•     Some combination of above.

Obviously, none of these are ideal in helping you get from where you are to where you want to go. 

I have many people come to me saying that they felt pressured to make decisions at the settlement table about matters they did not understand.  They didn't feel comfortable asking questions because