5 Reasons Your Florida Divorce Negotiations Go Wrong

Negotiating on your own can be tricky. After all, if the two of you were "on the same page" you may not  be in divorce court, right? Here are the top 5 reasons that pro se divorce negotiations go wrong:

1. You are at different emotional stages in the divorce process. Just like the stages of grieving, you will go through (and bounce between) different stages of grief in the divorce process. This is true even if you are the one filing for divorce.
2. Fear. One or both of you will confront fear during the divorce process. The most prominent fear that I've seen is the fear of financial insecurity. When you are in a state of fear, your brain chemistry changes. This makes rational negotiation difficult.
3. Desire to inflict blame or retribution. We can't help it. We're programed to blame someone or something when things go different from how we expected. In no-fault divorce states like Florida, the legal system does not place blame or exact retribution on the "offending" spouse.
4. Feelings and emotions get in the way. In the same way that fear impacts our brain chemistry, emotions also affect our ability to negotiate. Emotions are not good or bad; they just are. Until you can work through your hurt and/or anger, the likelihood of successful negotiations are slim.
5. Different negotiation styles. Personality traits, tolerance for taking risks, and familiarity with the topic all influence how we negotiate. When each spouse has different levels of these factors, offers are viewed with suspicion. We tend to automatically default to the "no" position.

Collaborative divorce lawyers and mediators are trained to consider all these factors (and more). So if negotiations on your own break down, it may be time to take a step back and work with a third party to assess the situation. And take heart, the vast majority of divorces settle without a trial.

Comments

[Divorcing Dad]

As much as it pains me to say, I am going through the painful process of divorce. I'm struggling with the cost and I was hoping someone might have some advice on what options I might have.