Transitions Between Homes Can be Easier for Your Child

Many clients complain that the children do not want to visit the other parent. Through the years I've heard this complaint a lot. And I'm going to be blunt here.... it is usually due to your actions, conscious or not.

Kids are like little sponges and they absorb what you give off. If you are tense and worried about the time your child will spend with the other parent, your child is likely to become tense and worried too. Some kids even try to avoid going to the other parent's home because they are worried about you being alone. That is not their job - you are the parent.

Think about how you can create a peaceful transition for your child. How can you prepare your child for the upcoming time sharing so that it is a stress-free experience? Here are some suggestions from Ellen Kellner, author of The Pro Child Way:

Avoiding interruption and encourage being prepared: remind your child of upcoming visits—make this a continual cycle of conversation. Use positive words and smile.
As the visitation time approaches match your actions to your reminders. As you tuck your child

into bed: “On Friday, you get to see dad. Tomorrow we’ll think about what special things you may want to take.”

On the day before, “Tomorrow dad will be here before supper to pick you up for your sleep-over. Today I’ll make sure all of your clothes are clean, is there something special that you wanted to wear?”

Hours before: “Let’s put all of your things into your pack for dad’s house. Which stuffed animal gets to go this week? Did you want to take that drawing that you made?” An hour before the visit: “You’ll soon be able to go with dad so after this TV program finishes, we’ll turn off the TV and get ready for dad.”

As your child helps you move her pack to the front door, gets on her shoes, and puts her coat within reach you transition into the “waiting for the visit” period. Think on what types of activities your child enjoys that engages him or her while not being time constrained. Pull out these activities while you both wait patiently.

You cannot control how your ex handles the transition on his/her side, but you be assured that your child was fully nurtured while with you. You gave your child the gift of consideration through the routine of the time sharing perparation.

With your child gone and the door closed, acknowledge any sadness that you may feel or any anger that you may have towards your ex. While The Pro-Child Way^® is about shielding your child from the full impact of your emotions, it isn’t about denying your own feelings to yourself.

Be sure to grab my Guide for Parents

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April 21, 2011